The Sunny Funny Day
by Sarah Noble
Summary: What a Sunny Funny Day Severus is having! Features stupi things, inside joke sand stupid jokes involving inside things.


NOTE: Obviously, I did not make up Harry Potter. If I did, I'd own three mansions in Scotland like you-know-who does (no, not Voldemort. I doubt he owns a boathouse). None of these people are mine, cept for myself and Evadne, who doesn't really belong to me at all but is in fact a good friend. You should read her stuff. Her author name is Evadne. I get ten- cent commissions from her for each person I recommend wahahahahahahahaa. Anyhow, don't flip out if this story does not amuse you. I'm sure something else will if you look hard enough in your life. This story is posted to amuse Evadne and the tiny mining elves that live in my sock drawer. As always, fan fiction is dumb. Don't read it.  
  
  
  
The Sunny Funny Day  
  
By Sarah Noble  
  
I.  
  
The entire school sat, petrified with terror, as the rogue dementors stalked slowly through the great hall, up towards the teachers' table. Although Dumbledore had expressed concerns about allowing the Azkaban guards to patrol the school's outer walls, even he could not have predicted that the dementors, freed from their watchful overseers at the prison, would suddenly turn on the school. The students and faculty were powerless against so many of them.  
  
Every eye was riveted to the high table, as Dumbledore stood up slowly to face the head dementor. His eyes were narrowed in restrained fury. As the dementor reached out a scabby hand, its rattling breath inhaling all the happiness the surrounding people contained, Dumbledore raised his wand and bellowed, "Incantatus Summoni!"  
  
There was a loud POP! and something landed heavily on the dementor's head, knocking it to the floor. A second something followed suit, with a noise that sounded suspiciously like "WHATCHA!"  
  
"Well that was a heck of a thing," said a black-haired girl, staggering to her feet awkwardly. She eyed the dementor on the floor, who was now unconscious. "Sorry, can I get a do-over?" asked the second girl, a loudly dressed blonde. "I meant to make more of a whooshing sound when I landed."  
  
Dumbeldore sat down with a thud of surprise. "You're.you're not shielding magi," he stammered, clearly puzzled. "I thought I was summoning magi."  
  
"And you got summon else?" the blonde laughed. The other rolled her eyes and punched the first in the ribs.  
  
"Excuse me, but are these your ferrets?" Professor Sinistra asked anxiously, as two sinuous, furry forms climbed her hat. The two girls exchanged glances. "Er.yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Sort of."  
  
"Just because we stole them, doesn't mean they're ours," the black-haired one finished huffily. Both girls jumped as a scream sounded behind them.  
  
  
  
Parvati Patil was screeching her head off, as one of the other dementors clutched her around the throat. Students scattered, screaming in panic, as other dementors approached the Gryffindor table.  
  
"Egad!" yelled the black-haired girl. "NOT THE CHILDREN!" She seized a soup tureen and whaled it at the demon's head, splashing the other girl in the face. "I've been souped!" shrieked the blonde. She pulled out a black compact and dabbed at her face with powder.  
  
The tureen smashed against the dementor's head and it let out a shrill cry of pain. Professor Lupin leapt forward at that moment and brandished his wand at the remaining dementors, shouting, "EXPECTO PATRONUM!"  
  
  
  
Confused and caught off-guard, the dementors cowered away from the silvery-white patronus and fled through a side door, out of the castle. Professor Lupin, breathing hard, knelt down by the blonde girl, who was licking soup off her arms. "Are you all right? How do you feel?" he asked, handing her a piece of chocolate. The girl stopped licking and made a face.  
  
"I should have ordered a refreshing lemon iced tea," she said.  
  
II.  
  
Inside his bedroom, Professor Snape stood silently staring at his bed, his expression shifting from hatred to disgust and back again.  
  
His bed was neatly made up, the curtains drawn to the corner posters. At the head of the bed, laid up against the pillow, were hundreds of small pink bunnies. Plush bunnies, velvet bunnies, polyester bunnies.they spilled off the bed and all over the floor. In case the whole affair was somehow overlooked, a large yellow sign that read "Fuzzy wuzzy bunnies" hung on the headboard.  
  
Snape was getting very, very tired of Evadne and Sarah. They had showed up as a result of a misdirected spell and had somehow managed to endear themselves to the faculty, so much that Dumbledore had allowed them to join Hogwarts as temporary guests, until the Ministry of Magic was able to find a way of sending them home.  
  
  
  
The two got along very well with most of the students, entertaining them with storeis and comics they made up about life at Hogwarts. Evadne was in Ravenclaw, though only because she had howled at the Sorting Hat's first decision to put her in Slytherin. Sarah had gotten into Gryffindor her first try. Snape had thought nothing of the sorting of two muggle girls at first, but he was now very thankful neither of them had entered his house, Slytherin. For Sarah and Evadne had very strange tastes, and none of them quite so strange as their immediate liking for Professor Snape.  
  
  
  
It had done no good to yell at them because they liked it. Insulting them only brought shouts of laughter from the two irrepressible muggles. Avoiding them was impossible.they followed him everywhere, plaguing him with everything from repeated dialogue from television shows to blunt critiques of his hygiene. There was simply not way for Snape to be rid of the girls. Worst of all, his two constant admirers were drawing unwanted levity from the rest of the staff.  
  
* * *  
  
"Come now, Severus, you can't marry them both," Lupin had laughed when most of the faculty was relaxing in the staffroom. "Stop stringing them alone and just pick one." "Ooh, don't choose Eva, Severus!" Professor Trelawney exclaimed in a knowledgeable tone. "You're both winter complexions! Sarah's more of a spring, she'd be a much better match."  
  
  
  
"When you're through gossiping like a load of first-year Hufflepuffs!" Snape snarled loudly, his face a humiliated crimson. He scowled furiously and stomped out of the room amid a shout of laughter, slamming the door viciously behind them.  
  
  
  
"Perfica Emblemirus!" a voice whispered shrilly. Snape whirled around to see Evadne and Sarah disappearing around the corner, Sarah on roller skates and Eva swinging a lacrosse stick.  
  
"Nice to see you're finally added to your wardrobe," Snape heard. He turned and saw Dumnbledore, who was surveying him with a look of amusement. "Tell me, did you have your palette done, or just decided black wasn't your style anymore?" he added gravely. Snape glanced down and saw that his entire outfit was now an upsetting shade of magenta. He clenched his fists painfully.  
  
* * *  
  
Snape sighed as he shoved the hateful bunnies off his bed and onto the floor. He pulled back the covers and got into bed. Several faint squeaks told him there were bunnies stashed under the sheets as well. He growled as he flung back the covers, evicted every last pink inhabitant of his bed and tossed them across his room, where they landed by the open door.  
  
Snape paused. He thought he'd closed that door. Stretching sleepily and muttering to himself about muggle girls and doors that don't close, he crossed the room and shut the door firmly, locking it. He shuffled back to bed, pulled the covers up and lay back.  
  
"Kind of eerie about that door, huh?" said the girl next to him. Snape gave a yell and fell backwards out of bed. Sarah gave a yell and jumped into his lap. She started rifling through his pockets.  
  
"Nice jammies," she added, eyeing him. Snape went scarlet with fury and embarrassment and shoved her roughly off him.  
  
  
  
  
  
AND THEN THE STORY GOT EVEN WORSE!  
  
  
  
But unfortunately, it's going to have to get worse in the NEXT chapter. For now, we will all have to imagine what could possibly happen next, in case we have so little to do in our lives that this story makes a difference within them. But I can tell you three things so that you don't get overstressed about this amazingly plot-less story:  
  
It will eventually end by turning into another story all about Lockhart, rightly called "The Fabulous Fabulous Day".  
  
  
  
There will be an attack by pink bunnies, and  
  
  
  
Sarah and Evadne will get Chocolate Frogs from a very strange source.  
  
  
  
If you're a fan of stupid things (and who isn't?), you can visit my website at www.sarahnoble.freehomepage.com after August 1st. I do several idiot comics about Harry Potter including the ever-inscrutable Hello Snape, and Not Too Long Ago, which is about Voldemort's attempts to manage his new Death Eater Club through bake sales, band meetings and corporate picnics. Hello Snape is just an adorable-ated version of Snape and his teeny tiny friends at Hello Hogwarts. These comics are guaranteed to not to ruin your smiley times, until you move more than four feet from your monitor, at which point your hair will burst into flames. Enjoy. 


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